fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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