Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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