batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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