tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Randomize
