Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
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