he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
