had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Randomize
