Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
