oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
