Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
