I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
