If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
Randomize
