i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
Pants are for mortals
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
