omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize
