I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
