I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
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