she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
It's just like the Real World with babies
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
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