he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
my penis made a compromise with my morals
Randomize
