i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
Randomize
