I love black thongs
She went from zero to smokin in five shots
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Randomize
