I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
