let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
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