Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Randomize
