I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
