i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
Randomize
