we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
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