I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
MIDGETS
????
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Randomize
