I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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