just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
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