omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
Randomize
