No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
