Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
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