Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
she peed on how many people?
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
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