a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
