He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
Randomize
