my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize
