it's not cheating when I paid for it
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
