Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
