please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
windsor, ontario is like a poor man's amsterdam
no, it is just poor
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
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