Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
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