I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
so let's talk penis.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Randomize
