I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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