Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
