No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
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