i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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