Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
Question for you. Are boobs and hands polarly charged, thus causing the inevitable joining of the two. If so are some breasts simply charged backwards
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
Randomize
