Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
