I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Randomize
