I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
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