mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Randomize
