Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
