ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
It's not a walk of shame if you run
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
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