The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
