there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
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