the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Randomize
