just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
