My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
Randomize
