So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
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